Post-exam

Dear blog,

For the first time in my lifetime, I didn't feel happy after an exam. In the past, regardless of my performance in exams, I'll always exit the examination hall with a contented smile (sometimes even a scoff on how the paper was a piece of cake). This exam however i've encountered unprecedented predicament and also unprepared; I'd probably made the biggest screw-ups in my entire academic life.

I'm stating this unfortunate event in a blunt manner to express the seriousness and utmost disappointment towards my failure to achieve what i've anticipated. Not to mention spending significant amount of effort on revisions and yet still incapable of showing satisfactory results in the end. You'll try some self-consolation at night in bed ('exams don't matter, yadda yadda...') , but the anger, disappointment and confusion kept on f*cking the mind (every f*cking time you close your eyes!!!), causing countless sleepless nights. Truly, a devoid soul.

Jinxing the result 2 days before it is announced may not be a good idea. According to 'The Alchemist' by Paulo Coelho, the author stressed the importance of the will of the heart to achieve, and that 'The Soul of the World' will do everything possible to help a person to succeed.

In desperation, I've cling onto his philosophy so vigorously that i've forgotten the fact that nothing can be done (at that instance, or this present moment) to change the impending outcome , but only to wait for the arrival of damnation.

I'm sure Paulo is one optimistic dude. But it is quite impossible for me to stay positive now, for I've already written my dark, dismal future on that forsaken answer script.

Oh fuck. I'm in deep shit :(