My Niche

After THE ordeal, I'm pretty sure I ain't good with books. So, i gotta plan ahead, find my niche, an edge, [insert synonym for 'special ability']...

Of course, my niche has gotta be bankable at the same time, those that i'm passionate about too.

So, where to start, where to start?

Language, French, still learning. I'm sure I'm passionate about it, but I'm not sure it is bankable. After all, learning from an audiobook isn't really credible.

Hobbies, Piano, amateur-ish. Again, in order for it to be bankable, you've gotta be hmm... how should I put it, PRODIGIOUS (think zero mistakes, reading emotions from the sheet and light speed piano playing).

Sports, Wushu, 2 years old. The next Jet-Li? HAHAHAHAHAHA~~~ Can't even do the splits. Impossible. Nahdah. Not gonna happen in a gazillion years.

Lastly, looks. I must say.... I've got a nice ass. Playgirl model, perhaps? LOLLLLLLL!!!! just kidding.

A niche is hard to find, especially if i put criteria such as 'bankable, passionate' beside it. Sayyyy... wouldn't it be a great idea to name my future offspring(boy) - Niche?

Hot Girl #1: 'Hey, wanna chill?'
Hot Girl #2: 'Sure thing, lets find Niche.'
Niche: 'Oh Yeahhh~~~'

He'll be a 'SugarDaddy' :)

Uhh. Back to studying. I hate studying.

The Five Stages

Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

These are the 5 stages of grief introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. Upon knowing your own grief, identifying and confronting them seem to be a rational thing to do.

Normally, others would assume that grieving is like a marathon - starting at Denial, cross the 3 stages like checkpoints, and finishing at Acceptance.

Not true. As I see it, the process is reversible (like a ping pong ball on a ping pong table bouncing thru and fro between players), and it's always tarrying in between stages.
Ughh... the pain - excruciating.

God damn it.

***Extras***
Most of the time, inner dialogues appear in my mind. Sometimes you don't realise it because ... i don't know - careless perhaps? Here are my dialogues for the 5 stages,

Denial - Why? Why? Why?
Anger - Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
Bargaining - Maybe? Maybe? Maybe?
Depression - Shit... shit... shit...
Acceptance - N/A yet.

Harrrrrrrrr MEE?? (Prawn Noodles)

Yes. It's true.
I cooked Har Mee.
And it's de-li-ciouszzzz~

Want some? You ain't gettin' some, biatch!

Mua hahahaha~

The secret of happiness is probably never be afraid of failures and have a bowl of Har Mee.

Ahh.... heavenly.

Post-exam

Dear blog,

For the first time in my lifetime, I didn't feel happy after an exam. In the past, regardless of my performance in exams, I'll always exit the examination hall with a contented smile (sometimes even a scoff on how the paper was a piece of cake). This exam however i've encountered unprecedented predicament and also unprepared; I'd probably made the biggest screw-ups in my entire academic life.

I'm stating this unfortunate event in a blunt manner to express the seriousness and utmost disappointment towards my failure to achieve what i've anticipated. Not to mention spending significant amount of effort on revisions and yet still incapable of showing satisfactory results in the end. You'll try some self-consolation at night in bed ('exams don't matter, yadda yadda...') , but the anger, disappointment and confusion kept on f*cking the mind (every f*cking time you close your eyes!!!), causing countless sleepless nights. Truly, a devoid soul.

Jinxing the result 2 days before it is announced may not be a good idea. According to 'The Alchemist' by Paulo Coelho, the author stressed the importance of the will of the heart to achieve, and that 'The Soul of the World' will do everything possible to help a person to succeed.

In desperation, I've cling onto his philosophy so vigorously that i've forgotten the fact that nothing can be done (at that instance, or this present moment) to change the impending outcome , but only to wait for the arrival of damnation.

I'm sure Paulo is one optimistic dude. But it is quite impossible for me to stay positive now, for I've already written my dark, dismal future on that forsaken answer script.

Oh fuck. I'm in deep shit :(